Thank you kindly.
Friday, August 10, 2012 at 1:48PM Word count: 451 Reading time: 1-2 minutes 
Last week I stood in line at the supermarket. The slender young woman in front of me with the flashy diamond ring and the Louis Vuitton handbag flicked her blonde hair over her shoulder as she slapped down her sole purchase, a 4-litre jug of milk. When she paid with a debit card she kept everyone waiting as her long, manicured fingernails mis-hit the keypad. The cashier gave her the receipt and said, ‘Thank you.’
The customer stared at him blankly.
‘Oh. Did you want a bag for that?’ he asked as he fumbled for one.
‘Yeah,’ answered the blonde without a trace of a smile.
The only thing that made this transaction unusual was the LV handbag. Don’t see too many of those at Lynn Valley Centre.
Bad manners seem ubiquitous these days and they are just the start of disrespect for others. Thanks to the anonymity of the internet, some people now readily escalate beyond everyday incivility; they hide behind false identities to sling hatred and vitriol from a safe distance. Read any current events or news article online. Then read the comments that follow. Some incendiary remarks will be posted by trolls who enjoy a fight. Others will be vicious personal attacks directed at anyone and everyone.
Maybe we can’t stop attention-starved people from flaming others but can we set a better example with our own conduct? I know about please and thank you and not cutting people off in traffic but I wasn’t so sure of the rules of the road in cyberspace. Luckily there is a myriad of opinions out there. Here are a few that helped me lift my game:
- 101 Email Etiquette Tips
- 20 Essential Tips For Better Twitter Etiquette
- Blog Etiquette or Blogtiquette
For writers reviewing other writers’ work, there’s even an article about that:
Why is any of this important to the writer’s life? Because we are all hyper-connected, our bad behaviour is no longer as private as it once was and it leaves a lasting impression. People see the tweeters who run a monologue, never acknowledge retweets, and only tweet in self-interest. They know whose blog they can comment on* and never receive a reply. The internet has rendered the small world even smaller and we need to be careful whom we offend out of simple ignorance.
How are you conducting yourself out there? Are you treating the supermarket cashier with the same courtesy that you extend your editor, your boss, or the clients of your business? Do you value your social capital and does it show in the way you respond to others, in R/L and online?
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Photo by: mu_mu_
* Recently I removed the CAPTCHA filter off this blog. It should be easier than ever to comment and I always reply.
Reader Comments (6)
You hit a nerve with me on this one. I don't proclaim to be Miss Manners, but I do try to extend common courtesies. In my job as a flight attendant, I am often appalled at how ill-mannered people are these days.
As for critiquing, it is extremely important to remain polite, professional, and positive. No, it doesn't mean you should lie and dole out false praise. I learned a rule years ago about critiquing that never has never failed me. Wrap a negative around two positives. It goes something like this, "I really like how you illustrated your point in the opening sentence. It is very creative and unique. On the second paragraph,however, I would consider changing the word XYZ to XYZ for stronger clarity. Also, etc., etc.. When I reached the end of the story, I was still craving more. Nice writing.
I don't profess to be any sort of beaming Pollyanna but at least I try to remember the basics. While I was waiting for my brakes to be replaced today, I wandered the local stores and coffee shops, eavesdropping and observing people. Conclusion: this blog is relevant and timely.
Of course, in respect to the internet, a lot of advice is contradictory. Some people say you should tweet your blog postings several times a day in case anyone missed it the first time. Others say self-interest tweets should feed at a ratio of 1 for every 10 or 20 tweets supporting others. I've yet to see that rule in practice.
The critiquing article really hit home. I knew some of the principles but that laid them out even more clearly. It’s so easy to tear things down but just as easy to encourage.
Thanks for your comment.
In a similar story I was at my local Starbucks the other day--a place I admit I spend way too much time! I usually go through the drive through and the disembodied voice always says 'Welcome to Starbucks how are you doing today?' instead of just 'what can I get for you?' I've always thought this was very pleasant and I'm pretty sure it's a direct result of 'Superhost Training' but it's still pleasant in an otherwise hurry-up-and-order world.
I always respond with something that I think is witty, often 'just ducky' and always with 'and how are you doing today?' The response is always 'I'm great thanks for asking!'
For some reason this always struck me as unusual so one day while waiting for our lattes and oat fudge bars (yes, I know, sin!) I asked the young lady at the window why they always thanked me for asking how they were. Her response stunned me.
She told me that many people not only don't bother to ask how they are in response to the inquiry or ignore the question altogether launching instead into their order and never acknowledging that there's a human being behind that voice. How sad that there are folks out there who are so hurried or whatever in their life that they can't be bothered to be pleasant.
Unfortunately this kind of behavior is, as Maggie says above, ubiquitous these days. Be it in stores, restaurants or virtually any commercial establishment. I can't tell you how many times I've been seated in a restaurant and observed diners around me 'interact' with wait staff without ever making eye contact or even looking up at them. Sad.
Interestingly the reverse is true in many Caribbean countries. We've spent considerable time in Barbados. We have a name for the unbelievably bad service offered in most commercial establishments in that island paradise! We call it Bajan Service!! Wherein the customer is treated either as something icky to be avoided or simply invisible.
Maybe the lady with the Louis Vuitton handbag has spent too much time a place like that?
Hi Ed,
Thanks for stopping by.
I think everyone has off moments but if you’ve trained politeness into your reflexes, you don’t drop the ball quite so far on a bad day.
In spite of the LV woman’s abundant gifts of youth, beauty, and wealth (or at least the appearance of wealth), she lacked simple courtesy. If her spirit is pinched with all those advantages in play, when will she exhibit any human kindness?
Bajan service? Great expression! Yes, I've had that too – when the customer is just an inconvenience to doing business. The other side of the coin.
Ed,
Thank you for the story about the Starbucks drive through. I feel like a complete heel because I'm not sure I ever ask the 'voice' how their day is going. I'll make a conscious effort to do so in the future.
Allison
PS...Maggie, thank you for removing the CAPTCHA. It makes it even easier to comment. I suppose if your site is ever invaded by trolls, you can require it again.
Thanks for the feedback, Allison.
I came across the hint about CAPTCHA when I started researching this week's blog.
There are excellent hints about blogging here for those who might be interested:
http://annerallen.blogspot.com/2011/12/how-to-blog-beginners-guide-for-authors.html